30-second wisdom

Of how are you’s and kumusta’s

Unless you are Mowgli, which is not at all impossible, many people, and animals too, will walk in an out of your life, and your bedroom, as well. They will do all sorts of insane things to you, whether unconsciously or voluntarily, and you end up crazier than you originally planned or thought yourself would be.

Nevertheless, it is a generally accepted wisdom that our encounters with these citizens of the animal kingdom provide us with priceless opportunities to grow and continuously grow. I am a subscriber of that wisdom too. We cherish our friends and mentors, we try to be forgiving to those who trespassed against us, and of course we try to remember the forgettable ones for the simple reason that we were once acquainted with them.

However, it is an inevitable consequence that some of these people who walked into and out of our life will someday cross our path - and the moment they see us, they instantly ask us this: “How are you?” or its Filipino language equivalent, “Kumusta ka?” And then I become speechless. I automatically lose the proper words that should vibrantly paint a Mona Lisa of the current state of my life.

It is not that I don’t like this “how are you” culture. I think it is a demonstration of affection, tenderness, goodwill. Yet, I think that generic answers like “I’m good,” “I’m okay,” or “I’m alright” are not substantial enough or just damn too convenient. There isn’t enough meat in these two-word statements.

Then of course I simply cannot provide a verbal résumé minus the trainings that I attended and the accomplished characters that I classified as references. That is kind of pompous and the behavior is alien to me – it only looks good on Jack McFarland or Karen Walker. Definitely, I wouldn’t pour my woes, trials and tribulations otherwise I might as well brand myself as an outdoor version of any MMK character. Meanwhile, I wouldn’t be very comfortable declaring my victories because my life is still a work in progress.

Maybe I have too many inhibitions. Maybe I am just neurotic. Or maybe I just don’t have the cash to buy my long-lost-now-found friend a brewed coffee or frapuccino, which are essential elements of a meaningful “How are you?” session. I just don’t know.

______

Of wits and some glamour/beauty

I hate it that I am not really witty. If I were witty, maybe I wouldn’t just dumbly say “I’am okay” every time somebody fires the “How are you?” question at me.

I think this apparent lack of wit sustains my fascination with the Miss Universe beauty pageant. Ever since my first Miss U in 1990 (I was 10 and Mona Grundt of Norway became the last European so far to have won the coveted crown – 2002’s Oxana Fedorova of Russia was unfortunately dethroned and I learned from high school that Russia is part of Asia), I am always glued to the screen during the interview rounds (speaking of interview portions, I liked it better in the 90’s when all semi-finalists really gets tested intellectually). Inasmuch as the evening gown competition sparks my creative nature, it is really the interview round that I root for.

This must be because I am in dire need of the wits possessed by the glamorous queens themselves. 30 seconds were all they had to convince the universe that they are the sweetest things. Thus spake zarathustra, by far the best winning Miss U answers:


Question
Right now there is a protest going on right outside here calling the Miss Universe beauty pageant disrespectful of women. Convince them that they’re wrong.

Miss U 2000, Lara Dutta of India
I think pageants like the Miss Universe pageant gives us young women a platform to foray into the field that we want to and forge ahead, be it entrepreneurship, be it the armed forces, be it politics. It gives us the platform to voice our choices and opinions that makes us strong and independent that we are today.




Question
If there were no rules in your life for one day and you could be outrageous, what would you do?

Miss U 1997, Brook Lee of USA
I would eat. Everything. In the world. You do not understand. I would everything twice.








Question
What do you think men can learn from women?

Miss U 1996, Alicia Machado of Venezuela
I believe that they can learn very much because thanks to us women, the men are here in this beautiful theatre seeing this beautiful contest and applauding me because I am a beautiful woman.

Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies

This one is hilarious. Surgically removed from my email inbox to be preserved, for posterity, in the best blog in the world - my blog. Wihihihihi.

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

11: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of ' Lloyd.'

For the love of the birds

It was Monday, the 7th of January, the year of the earth rat.

Three MP’s went to Olango Island in Cebu for some world peace thing - pretty boys Bernz, Ozzie and Jessie. Hihihi.

It was a cloudy, rainy day; a typhoon is soon to happen somewhere.

They were on their way to Pangan-an Elementary School to spread world peace when they were caught by another chapter of the morning’s rain.

It was a long chapter of rain, so much like the unnumbered sections of Gabriel Garcia Marquez’ Love In The Time of Cholera, of course minus the convoluted romance.

They were stranded in this shed located along Pangan-an Island’s shore.

They had no other choice but to explore each other’s anatomy until the rain will subside.

Hahahaha. Just kidding.

They were in Olango to spread joy and peace, not to fertilize its soils with their queer seed.

But they were amazed at the images and inscriptions that greeted them when they crossed the shed’s threshold – the hieroglyphics of the islanders’ psyche.

For a moment, Jessie imagined himself as the dying Katharine Clifton who explores the cave wall’s paintings as she waits for the return of her lover, László de Almásy, in the movie The English Patient.

But they were in Olango Island and not in some African dessert.

When they saw the writings and inscriptions on the ceiling and the walls, a sense of profoundness and understanding struck them.

These people who live in this place – a place which is of course famed for its vast wetlands that annually host thousands of migratory birds from as far as China, Japan and Siberia – are really into birds.

It’s amazing.

The people of Olango simply love birds.

In the same way that the pretty MPs do.

A Day in the Life of Bernz, Ghary, Jessie and Ozzie

Help comes in many versions and sizes. Help is a moving and visible interpretation of one’s genuine care or concern. In whatever way, the help that one extends ripples to these - ease the burdens of the persons in need, dispel that feeling of neglect or loneliness among the less fortunate.

Last year, around March or April, while I was aimlessly surfing the net, I stumbled upon a bunch of quiet special guys, or shall I say men, called the MP’s or Mga Palautog. There are around 5,000 of them actually. But I only got to know around 20 or so, and I am not exactly sure if the traits and qualities of these 20+ men are statistically representative of the group’s entire membership. (Utog, by the way, is Visayan for erection, hence to be a palautog is to be somebody who engages in specific acts that promote or encourage erection. In my observation, to be a palautog is human nature, although not everyone would willingly or outrightly admit to this.)

Nevertheless, the important thing is that I hang out with these newfound friends once in a while, and there are those whom I have friendly affections because of our online communication - chats, conferences, ka-churvahans, ka-eklatans. The group, like many other groups, is also a melting pot of diverse, enigmatic, distinct, and sometimes disturbing masculine-feminine urges. Fortunately, charity is one of the group’s essential qualities, and fueled by the so-called charitable urge, the Olango Island children’s education project came into fruition.

The project is one of the profound, life-affirming outputs of our rowdy yet intelligent, malevolent yet well-informed, socio-political conferences via Yahoo Messenger. The minds in the said conferences are Rosa Rosal, Marjory Smith, AnnQ (who joined towards the end of 2007), and yours truly, Oxana Fedorova.

The brain behind the project was Rosa Rosal – not the frail old woman in the famous television show KKMK (Kapwa Ko, Mahal Ko), but the piping engineer who is currently working in Japan. Rosa Rosal, popularly known as Bernz Corr, is one very enlightened guy and he envisions a world governed by peace and selflessness. He thought that he could contribute to world peace by sharing his fortune in Yen.

Enter Marjory Smith, an economist and a former Miss Universe titleholder who is now based in New York. He too shares Rosa’s vision and he thought that we could help create a more empowered Filipino citizenry by investing on the education of the children.

Oxana Fedorova could carry out the wishes of Marjory and Rosa. Oxana, or simply Jessie, is a Cebu-based employee of a social development organization. He enumerated some workable strategies that were well received by Marjory and Rosa. The plans were already laid down when AnnQ became the fourth corner of the group. Her expressions of support to the project were indirect but nevertheless very meaningful – she provided the usual encouragement and the steady supply of men who willingly strips and does their thingies on cam. These men, subsequently, propel the surge of creativity.

After months of planning and deliberation, Rosa and Marjory’s gifts reached 100 Grades 1 and 2 school children in Pangan-an Elementary School, Olango Island. Olango is located five kilometers off Mactan Island in Cebu. Although Olango is a haven for migratory birds that travel from as far as China, Japan and Siberia, poverty is everywhere because of many reasons, among them is the intense degradation of its marine resources due to years of irresponsible fishing and household practices. Because of poverty, the children of Olango are most affected since they don’t have access to many basic things – nutritious food, health services, potable water, good education, and so much more. The school supplies and books given to the children may not necessarily remove the day-to-day misery in their homes. But perhaps, these little gifts could teach them the value of education and somehow tell them that help will always be available if they persevere.

What we give to others, we also give to ourselves.

P.S. Special thanks to my two officemates, Riva and Rey for bringing us to Pangan-an in Olango. And also to Ozzieboi, also a Palautog, for braving and surviving the heavy rain, among other trials and tribulations last January 7!

What is politics?

According to a forwarded email:

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'

Jessie in the Year of the Rat

Monkey Ratings

The Monkey, of the 12 signs, is the one most likely to have the best year. Fortune smiles upon you with your big Rat friend in charge. If you are a typical, mentally quick and multi-talented Monkey, opportunities there will be aplenty. There is only one, major concern: The Achilles heal of both the Monkey and Rat is overconfidence. This could make you forget that the Tiger rules the first month and won't do you any favors. As good as the year is, therefore, a slow start is advisable.

Monkey Career

Go with your heart and follow your instincts with your projects at hand. It is likely that your ideas will be rewarded this year so do your best to see each idea through in its entirety. Be careful to avoid hopping around with too many ideas, as lack of focus will derail even the best laid plans. You will see rewards when working closely with coworkers who exhibit similar ideas. Don't be afraid to trust their instincts as well.

Monkey Relationships

Your social life should be very active this year. If you're married, you'll find yourself, more than ever, wanting to be with your spouse in a more active, social environment. This enhanced activity could lead to an addition in the family so if you're not ready, be careful! The single Monkey should expect to find an abundance of opportunities. This could be the year to play more so than settle down. Networking is at a peak so look for new groups to join where you can build both your knowledge and your network.

Monkey Health

Your chi levels should be persistently higher throughout the course of the year. This means a year of generally good health. You should see progress on any existing long-term illness as well. Take this as an opportunity to increase your care and further your progress. With increased activity and social life, just make sure you get some rest along the way and do not get too caught up in the party scene!

Monkey Wealth

Finances should be generally good this year. Expect to see positive changes from 2007, as the year of the Earth Rat should be more stable for you. Keep in mind, though, it is not a great year for speculative investment so stick with what you know best and be ready to grind out some good work. This is one of those years that bodes well for savings and those savings could pay off big in the years to come.

Rah rah rah sis bomba

This is my first post for 2008. It's already past six in the morning, almost seven actually, the first of January, and I am supposed to be still asleep right now. But I am still awake although I am already kinda sleepy. I must linger a bit because the rest of the year would have begun when I am once again awake.

I had already written something a few moments ago when for some reason, I accidentally pressed some keys and all my thoughts and lamentations were gone. Perhaps this is a good sign. I must look forward to this new year and somehow loosen my grasp on the things that I missed, things that transpired over those many years that already passed me by. Those years had given me lessons, had provided me with fond memories. But it's pointless to get stucked. And it's even more foolish if one intentionally lets himself get stucked.

There are no regrets. I am completely happy about the Jessie that I am right now. Regret is the most useless human emotion because we don't have any power to undo the things that already happened.

I think 2008 will be a great year for me. It rained gently a few moments ago and I think that is a sign that good things will come my way.

I would still acknowledge though that I am person who whines and complains a lot. But that is part of living and growing. Somewhere in my heart and mind, I always know when to be at peace and content. Otherwise I would still rah rah rah sis bomba!

Legacies of 2007

In no particular order:

1. The guy that I love. Love is really not all that amazing. But Jeffrey is. Until he pisses me off. Then I would go berserk. Then we would settle things and life is beautiful again. I think that's love. Relationship would never ever be perfect. But the characters in love would always find reasons to hold on.

2. One of my best friends, Jean, who is now in Canada to be with Ilana, the woman she passionately loves. She passed the bar, but she abandoned it anyway in favor of love. Most people would find that foolish. I think it is romantic. Hollywood could still happen. This world would be a much much better place if we have couples like Jean and Ilana.

3. The job which I love but makes me insane even when I am asleep. I might resign soon. I might not. I love my job, there is still a semblance of happiness in the things that I engage into. But the rest is still uncertain.

4. The business which I tried to start with my two close friends. It failed. The moral of the story: don't do something unless you are completely passionate about it, unless you have the full concentration and the bravado to learn its ropes.

5. The new found friends - the MPs. I already have good friends that I would keep for a lifetime. But this bunch is something else. It doesn't matter that I won't ever know the real names of some of them because they have real identities to protect. It's all about respecting choices anyway. They like boys in the same way that I do. They look like regular boys in the same way that I am. We would go out together, but that doesn't mean that we have to do each other. They know the nuts and bolts of our special world. I may be 27 but I still have lots to learn from them.

6. My internet connection at home and my two favorite sites - Lifeout.com and Limewire. With Lifeout, I don't have to go to Colon street to have a dose of porn. I don't have to suffocate my hard disk with porn downloads. Lifeout offers porn for free at such vast quantities 24/7. With Limewire Pro, I now have some hard to find records. Never mind that downloading music is considered illegal. The records available in local record bars are just so limited that newborns might as well believe that music history began when Britney was first slapped in the butt in the delivery room.

7. I visited Lamitan, Basilan. Two weeks later, the marines that guided us were beheaded.

8. The christmas decors that I don't want keep in their boxes this January. Truly, a thing of beauty is a joy forever.

9. The arts exhibit that we organized for the office to raise funds. It reminded me that before I took up political science, I originally wanted to be a fine arts graduate. I might revisit this passion this 2008.

10. The wrong things that I did. No need to enumerate because I don't want my list to reach 100. Hahahaha.

Happy New Year! Welcome 2008! Please be good to me! :-)

JessieRomanticManiac's Film Review

I am a bona fide movie buff. Always has been for years. Given this fact of my life, I am pleasantly compelled to make a review of the movies I have watched. Let me begin with the 12 movies I killed this December. I don't want to go gaga over the historical or technical values of a film as bases for my review. Movies have numerous purposes in our lives and our continually evolving culture. Perfect movies may not necessarily have perfect details, and yet they remain perfect for whatever impact they have on our lives. As such, I drafted my own rating system, as follows:

4 Pink Flowers I would watch this movie over and over and over again!
3 Pink Flowers I might just forget this movie, but hey there are slices of life in here.
2 Pink Flowers Hmmm, yeah. It's okay. And i think the critics and award-giving bodies quite liked this movie, so who am I to disagree?
Flowerless A total waste of my time.

Enjoy my December offering!

A subtler version of The Godfather or The Departed. This one centers on a Russian organized crime family in London. Naomi Watts, as a midwife who delivered a baby supposedly fathered by the organized crime leader, is brilliant as always, while Viggo Mortensen, as the mysterious driver of the family, is viciously amazing that I almost forgot that he used to be Aragorn. The climactic bath house fight sequence should be gruesome, but Viggo, who carried on with the scene without a single square-inch of clothing, made it so bearable to watch. I give this one 3 Pink Flowers.





Cate Blanchett is one of my four all-time favorite actresses alongside Meryl Streep, Kate Winslet and Jodie Foster. As such, even if the screenplay or editing is flawed, a movie could never go wrong if at its center is a very brilliant performer like Cate. This may not be as brilliant as Cate's first tour as the Virgin Queen, but this is still a movie to behold with other icings aside from Cate's talent such as the beautiful costumes and the ruggedly beautiful Clive Owen as Sir Walter Raleigh. This one deserves 3 Pink Flowers.






This Chinese pride of a movie traces the lives of two opera actors whose friendship and professional relationship was greatly disturbed when one of the actors got involved and eventually married a strong and imposing "prostitute," performed by the very beautiful Gong Li. I think this movie is important for two reasons: it provides us with information on modern Chinese history from the years prior to the Japanese occupation to Mao's cultural revolution until the decline of communism; and it also illustrates the existence and subsequent social repression of gay love. However, the movie is so indulgent and overloooong. I hate to do this, but i think this film deserves only 2 Pink Flowers.

I love Kate Winslet. I love Johnny Depp. I love Peter Pan. I love this movie. 4 Pink Flowers. No question about it. By the way, this movie is about the circumstances that inspired playwright James Barry to write Peter Pan.

The first two Harry Potter installments, Sorcerer's Stone and Chamber of Secrets, are definitely much much better than the Prisoner of Azkaban, Goblet of Fire, and this one, Order of the Phoenix. Because I've read the book and there were so many details that were unfortunately omitted in the screenplay. Because the original Albus Dumbledore, Richard Harris, is a much much better actor. And because I have greater affections for Harry, Hermione and Ron as kids than as young adults. But Order of the Phoenix is not really bad, it is still entertaining, and if there is one thing that is very memorable about this movie, it is the young Evanna Lynch who brilliantly portrayed the weirdo Luna Lovegood. Years from now, I would like to watch Evanna tackle roles usually played by Cate, Jodie or Naomi Watts. 2 Pink Flowers would be enough for this movie.

Ratatouille is what great entertainment is all about. And this new Walt Disney / Pixar gem, about a rat who dreams of being a chef, once again fuses all elements of a timeless animated film - live action that breathes with very human life, comedy and drama and suspense, fantastic music and heartwarming fairy tale ending. 4 Pink Flowers. 4 Pink Flowers. 4 Pink Flowers.








Any movie, no matter how flawed in terms of the story, could still be good if blessed with good performances especially by the central character. The Brave One is one those movies and Jodie Foster is one of those actors. Jodie is Erica Bain, a radio program host who had the fortune to be part of a very happy and fulfilled relationship. New York is her home and its environ provide her with the stories that she recreate in her radio program. However, her peace was shattered when she and her boyfriend were senselessly attacked that cost her boyfriend's life and left her emotionally wounded. Justice seems so elusive hence Foster took matters in her own hand. Some praised the unknown vigilante for cleaning the streets of New York while the many who still holds on to the value of due process condemned her acts. The Brave One is a strong morality tale and dissenting opinions may crop up especially from those who don't quite agree with the film's Machiavellian philosophy. Nevertheless, Jodie Foster is a powerhouse and that's reason enough for Jessie to give this movie 3 Pink Flowers.

One of those heist movies populated by brilliant actors - Denzel Washington, Jodie Foster and Clive Owen. I would give this movie 2 Pink Flowers because of Jodie Foster for her terrific turn as a pleasantly vicious power broker Madeline White.












The Insider is a Samson and Goliath kind of movie based on real-life events. Specifically, Jeffrey Wigan played by Russel Crowe, exposed a tobacco company's manipulation of cigarette substances in order to enhance smokers' addiction to nicotine. Strongly believing in Wigan's cause, CBS producer Lowell Bergman played by Al Pacino, stopped at nothing to bring Wigan's story to the public through the US television show, 60 Minutes. Very absorbing, The Insider reminds me of the Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman classic, All The President's Men, which was about the Watergate Scandal. 3 Pink Flowers for The Insider.




In this movie, Nicole Kidman is Silvia Bloome, a South African working as an interpreter in the United Nation's headquarters in New York. One evening, she overhears an assassination plot against Doctor Zuwanie, a corrupt and tyrannical African leader, who may be indicted by the UN for crimes against humanity. Bloome disclosed this information to the UN Secret Service and subsequently Sean Penn's Tobin Keller is assigned to protect Zuwanie as well as Bloome. Incidentally, Bloome has a shady past - she used to be involved with a rebel group bent on overthrowing Zuwanie. There is nothing new about The Interpreters. This is basically similar to other political crime thrillers. 2 Pink Flowers.



Sofia Coppola's adaptation of Jeffrey Eugenides' bestseller is very simple, straightforward but mesmerizing nevertheless. Thanks to the five beautiful Lisbon sisters especially the enigmatic Lux portrayed by Kirsten Dunst. Thanks to Coppola's screenplay, which unfolds like pages of the book. And thanks to the movie's soundtrack, which echoes with 70s pop, rock and soul. In the year 1974, in the upper middle class suburbs in Michigan, the five Lisbon girls committed suicide. The youngest, Cecilia jumped off of their second floor window and impaled herself in the fence. Lux, the second youngest, poisoned herself with carbon monixide. Therese, the eldest, had sleeping pills overdose while Mary, the second daughter, hanged herself. Bonnie stuck her head in the oven. The Virgin Suicides is made to be a 4 Pink Flower movie. Why? Find out for yourself.