Both Sides Now

My clock here says that it’s already 11:45 p.m. I should already be asleep by now. But here I am, navigating the anatomy of my computer keyboard, trying to lament through words, sentences and paragraphs out of the innocent black and white keyboard keys. My life is not really good. It has been bamboozled by too much movies, books, suicidal songs, porn videos and caffeine.

Maybe I should blame it on the brewed coffee that I had with my great friend Odyssa a few hours earlier. Or perhaps the mixture of coffee, ice tea, rice, pizza, pork sisig and chicken inasal induces nihilistic perspectives on life.

Whatever.

Speaking of coffee, one of the random things that Odyssa and I talked about was Joni Mitchell’s classic “Both Sides Now.” The song serenaded Emma Thompson during her heartbreaking moment in the film Love Actually. We both love the song, intensely (in the same way that we both have intense murderous instincts against Sharon Cuneta for her heinous interpretation of the song).

Maturity or growing up or growing older or whatever the human race calls this procedure of life is not necessarily progressive. Conventional wisdom states that experiences and subsequent failures make us better and stronger persons. But more often, the more experience we get, the more failures we unwittingly achieve, the more we get schizophrenic about life. Ms. Mitchell really got it right: I really don’t know life at all.

So here’s my ode to a life that needs a bit of repair.

Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons evrywhere
Ive looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on evryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

Ive looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its cloud illusions I recall
I really dont know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As evry fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way

But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go
And if you care, dont let them know
Dont give yourself away

Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really dont know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
Ive looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say Ive changed
Well somethings lost, but somethings gained
In living evry day

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all
Ive looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all